ZR2DK
11-25-2003, 09:03 AM
A man enters a bar with his pet monkey. The man walks straight up to the bar when his monkey companion jumps on a nearby pool table grabs a pool ball and swallows it whole. The bartender, shocked, asks the man “Why in the hell did he do that?”
The man replies, “He always eats things whole.”
Two days latter the same man with his monkey go into the same bar. This time the monkey follows the man to the bar. The monkey grabs a peanut off the bar sticks it up his butt and then eats it.
The bartender shocked at this asks, “Why did he stick it up his butt first?” The man replies, “Ever since the pool ball he makes sure everything will fit.”
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A woman takes a lover during the day, while her
husband is at work.
Unbeknownst to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding
in the closet. Her
husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the
lover in the closet
with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the
boy and the mom's
lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the
boy, "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy,
"Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and
forth." The boy says,
"I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much
did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000." The father says, "That's
terrible to overcharge
your friends like that. That is way more than
those two things cost. I'm
going to take you to church and make you
confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little
boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again
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2 10 year old brothers, Jimmy & Timmy, wake up on Christmas morning. They see so many presents under the tree, they can hardly believe their eyes! Jimmy makes it to the tree first and finds more presents with his name on them than he could imagine. He got a new bike, a new Playstation 2 with 10 of his favorite games, a new sled, tons of action figures, a big screen tv for his Playstation enjoyment, and more candy than he knew what to do with. He looks at Timmy and says "what did you get?" Timmy says "I got a football..." Timmy says "HAHA, I got all this and all you got was a football!!" Jimmy replies, "Yeah, but Im not the one dying of cancer..."
The man replies, “He always eats things whole.”
Two days latter the same man with his monkey go into the same bar. This time the monkey follows the man to the bar. The monkey grabs a peanut off the bar sticks it up his butt and then eats it.
The bartender shocked at this asks, “Why did he stick it up his butt first?” The man replies, “Ever since the pool ball he makes sure everything will fit.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her
husband is at work.
Unbeknownst to her, her 9-year-old son was hiding
in the closet. Her
husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the
lover in the closet
with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the
boy and the mom's
lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the
boy, "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy,
"Grab your glove.
Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and
forth." The boy says,
"I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much
did you sell them for?"
The son says "$1,000." The father says, "That's
terrible to overcharge
your friends like that. That is way more than
those two things cost. I'm
going to take you to church and make you
confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little
boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2 10 year old brothers, Jimmy & Timmy, wake up on Christmas morning. They see so many presents under the tree, they can hardly believe their eyes! Jimmy makes it to the tree first and finds more presents with his name on them than he could imagine. He got a new bike, a new Playstation 2 with 10 of his favorite games, a new sled, tons of action figures, a big screen tv for his Playstation enjoyment, and more candy than he knew what to do with. He looks at Timmy and says "what did you get?" Timmy says "I got a football..." Timmy says "HAHA, I got all this and all you got was a football!!" Jimmy replies, "Yeah, but Im not the one dying of cancer..."